Let me start by introducing myself.  I am Patti Mercer.  In my life I have had many titles; daughter to Joseph and Doris Marks, sister to Max and Garrett Marks, wife to Jay Mercer, mother to Jake, Alaina, Mallory, and Mitchell.  I have been given many titles through employment and many through experiences; college graduate, dancer, model, manager, single-mom, instructor, homemaker, step-mom, volunteer, and class-room-mom just to name a few.

I consider my newest title to be both an honor and a privilege.  I have been given the opportunity, as Mrs. South Carolina United States 2006, to serve my state and my community by being a vocal advocate for early Autism detection and intervention.  By challenging myself in this capacity, I feel confident that I can make a difference not only in the lives of others, but as a positive role model for my children. 

Everyone's life is a personal journey, and everyone handles their challenges differently.  In my life, I have had a hard time with what I perceive as "ceilings" or being told that there are limitations.  So when the word Autism was used at Mitchell's two-year-old well child checkup, I was defensive and deeply afraid.  My husband, Jay, was with me at that appointment and he is very into detail.  I would have gladly taken a "wait and see" approach, but with Jay there, that was not an option.  As the knots in my stomach tightened, Jay drilled the doctor for information on specialists in the area of Autism.

In an instant, my world changed.  I cried...a lot.  This could not be happening!  What does this mean?  Will Mitchell completely regress?  Will he know me as "mommy"?

At that time we were living in Texas, where Jay worked, far away from family.  I felt very alone with this heavy load.  Everything was moving way too fast for me, including my husband.  I feared that our healthy little boy would become an experimental subject for all of those so-called specialists.  I was mad at that doctor.  He doesn't know my Mitchell.  How could he make such an assumption?

I was upset.  I did not believe that anything was wrong with our son!  Why couldn't Jay just relax and let our "late bloomer" develop at his own pace?  Unable to resolve myself to this diagnosis, I switched doctors, finding one who agreed with me.  I prayed a lot and I listened to my husband, as I valued his concern.  I decided to educate myself and began reading about Autism.  It was confusing.  There were so many things that did not describe Mitchell and yet, I could not deny that several characteristics of the spectrum were consistent with our little boy.  Was there anything else that as a mother I couldn't see?  What kind of a mother am I?  I began to have doubts about myself and about my abilities as a parent.

Mitchell breast fed until the age of two because he would not eat solid foods, save for French fries (he was so fixated on the details of the fries:  they had to be from McDonalds in that bright red box, and only the ones that passed his personal inspection were eaten).  I tried so hard to entice him to eat other things.  I knew that his defensiveness was on a deeper level than simple age appropriate control.  Mitchell would dry heave at the mere sight of something offensive to him.  Jay and I did our best--we just fed him more French fries so that he would not starve!

We began early intervention with alternating weekly visits from a speech therapist and a play therapist.  I liked the play therapist because she said Mitchell was not Autistic.  I did not like the speech therapist because she said Mitchell wobbled when he walked and would not look at her.  I would cry following every visit from that lady!  My solution?  I found a speech therapist who agreed with me that Mitchell was fine, just a late-talker!

By age two and a half, Mitchell could finally point and name objects and express what he needed, though it was without clarity and spoken in words that only a mother could understand.  At that point, Mitchell had never definitively passed a hearing test.  This led to having his adenoids removed and tubes placed in the ear.  I did not realize this process involved cutting the eardrum.  From what I knew, tubes were used, without risk, to help children with chronic ear infections.  The tragedy here is that Mitchell did not have chronic ear infections.  He'd had maybe one in his entire life.  I was told that it was a "preventative" measure.  A little over a year later, surgery was required to remove the tubes, followed by additional surgery to repair his eardrum.

We moved to South Carolina when Mitchell was almost three.  It has been such a blessing to surround him with family.  Up until this point, Mitchell would cry even around my mom (she later told me that she did not think Mitchell loved her).  This broke my heart!  Mitchell had spent enough time over the course of his life to know his grandmother and to trust her.  And yet...he did not.

Three years old.  Time for another well-child checkup, this time meeting a new doctor.  Should I mention anything to this pediatrician?  Should I say the "A" word or would that just plant a seed?  As it turned out, I didn't have to say anything.  Mitchell demonstrated some odd behavior that I could not explain away.  Oh no, the doctor has that look again...the hairy eyeball...here we go.  We left the appointment with a referral to a child psychologist in Columbia, SC.  We took Mitchell for some McDonalds French fries.  And I cried.

One day, as I was dropping my daughter off at school, Mitchell had tried me beyond the breaking point.  I approached the school nurse who put me in touch with the district psychologist.  From there, we had Mitchell evaluated for the special program offered in the public school for children beginning at the age of three.  Oh yes, as Mitchell repeatedly walked the rings of the rug, before the first test had been administered, they announced that they knew he would definitely qualify.  Ouch!

Still, the word Autism scared me to death.  I was more comfortable with "speech delay".  After all, I myself had received speech therapy from the age of three until I was seven.  When I visited the classroom, I was amazed at the boys--no girl, just five of the most beautiful boys ever.  Why did the fact that the boys were beautiful comfort me?

We visited the child psychologist who diagnosed Mitchell with Autism.  No running from that word anymore.  I began to read, read, and read!  I looked up a woman who I had met years before with an Autistic son.  She helped me so much.  She enlightened me to the way the system works.  She said that an Autistic diagnosis would open the door to receive therapy and have insurance cover the cost.  This helped me tremendously.  I was able to separate the emotional impact with the logical fact that early intervention costs a lot of money!

Mitchell attended the public school program for the year (3-4) and was tutored by his teacher during summer break.  We began speech therapy at Achieve Speech and Language Clinic in Matthews, NC when Mitchell was four-years-old and attending occupational therapy one day a week.

At Achieve, a connection was made between Mitchell and Mary Martha right away (I credit Sally for her insight in making that choice).  Things started out slowly.  As work began on language, the articulation and meaningful usage seemed very far away.  One week would be great, followed by a week of poor progress.  I know it was hard for Mary Martha to deliver the not-so-great reports.  I tried so hard to stay positive and have received a lot of strokes for my attitude.  However, the truth is that having a "positive attitude" was just a defense mechanism I used to protect my heart.

At last we were at a place where action ruled.  Mitchell was in school everyday with speech and occupational therapy one day a week.  I kept on reading!

I attended a DAN! Conference (Defeat Autism Now) and Wow!  I learned about the connection between biology and the brain.  I had felt for a long time that if Mitchell would just start eating, things would get better and the DAN! Conference confirmed that.  We began to work on Mitchell's diet:  DMG, multi-vitamins, increased intake of vitamin C, omega 3 fatty acids, and as much protein as we could get into him!

I must tell you that it was not easy for me to get everything in him all the time, or at least as consistently that as a mother I believed it should be.  However, every little bit helps.  I also removed cow's milk from his diet (he has a food sensitivity to it that causes an allergy-like reaction, "gunking" him up).

At four-years-old, Mitchell began to eat bacon.  This began a huge developmental spurt in language and eye contact.  We learned that if we stopped pushing food on him and allowed him to choose for himself, it made a big difference in what he would try.

Mitchell remained in the public school's special program the next year, making great progress.  They created a special class for "high achievers" and Mitchell qualified.  On the home side, I still missed the idea of conversation with him.  I could not help but fondly remember the sweet interactions I had shared with his two older sisters when they were that age.  With Mitchell, though, it was all about being in the moment.  One experience did not carry over to the next.

Academically, Mitchell was cruising along.  I felt it was time to catch up socially.  He tested for the pre-K program offered through the school.  He did not qualify.  It hurt to read that news.  Could they not see his strengths?

After talking with our pediatrician, who has a brother with Autism, Jay and I decided to place Mitchell in a regular preschool close to our home.  He has loved it!  He talks about it!  He even has a "girlfriend", Olivia.  At last, Mitchell is doing the cute things that happen when there is discovery of new things and when you are connected with your surroundings.  He keeps me on my toes, as he points out all the gray-haired people as "grandmothers" and all African Americans with their brown skin. There was a time when I wondered if he would be able to communicate with us at all, and now, I never know what he is going to say next!

I cannot tell you how instrumental Achieve has been to Mitchell's progress.  Until working with Mary Martha, I did not know how to break down the sounds of a word, to visually cue Mitchell for placement of his tongue, or understand all that a therapist does with language application.  Under, over, next to, etc...

As of last year, Mitchell no longer fits the criteria for a diagnosis of Autism, and things look positive that he will pass his kindergarten screening (April '06).  However, we are still playing catch-up in our social skills and will continue to work with Mary Martha on his speech.

I will never know where, when, or why Mitchell began to regress in his development.  I only know where we are right now.  When the picture looks too big and overwhelming, pause.  Break it down and look at the little steps along the way.  Autism is a puzzle, it is a different picture for each child and your journey will be unique from mine.

Looking back, I recognize that my tears weren't for my son.  They were for me.  I had to let go of my expectations of what Mitchell's life would be.  Mitchell will carve his own niche in this world.  I know that he has unbelievable gifts yet to be tapped and a loving nature that will endure him to all the people he meets along the way.  We celebrate small wins!  Just recently, Mitchell said to his sister, Mallory, "Leave Alaina alone!"  Wow!  Just listen to all of those L's!

As more families are touched by Autism, I would like to offer myself  as a vessel through which they can channel their fears, relate to experiences, gain guidance, unwavering support and hope for a positive future.  Remember, keep things in perspective.  It is a "spectrum" disorder.  Educate yourself in every way that you can, and make your own choices.  Listen to the experts, but remember that you are the expert of your child.  You are their greatest advocate. 

Nurture them.  Savor them.  And Love them, Love them, Love them!

*update: In the fall of 2006, Mitchell was mainstreamed into Kindergarten, which he absolutely loves, and continues to thrive, each and every day!